` it's been 29th days since ii last blog . haiis . wasn't in e mood for blogging too . but am bored like hell in shop soo iim here to blog -___-"

` everything happen this mth was soo sucky . dunch like it at all man . struggling hard to pass through everything .

 fucking down down down ): words just can't describe my feeling now . everything seem to be crushing down . wth hell man . lao tian ars . can u pls tk away all my pain ? it's unbearable already . ii have been numbing myself for this past few week ? ii can console frens and give them comment but myself ? ii just can't let those words into my brain . right now infront of ppl ii can be very happy and act as nothing happen but deep inside ii mm feeling soo miserable and pain ): what should ii do ? ii m really lost in e jungle , can't seem to find the path out ! ii need you to guide me out of this fucking well . *sobs*

` hais . wo zhen de bu hui lahs . zhen me ban -__-" ? wo hao xiang ni ars . ii tired all ways already but eu just seem to stay and can't leave from e memories . feel like crying but jiu shi bu xiang ku chu lai )': . eu had pull me up from e fcuking well but whyie eu wanna push me down again ? and thisa ish e 3rd time . hw u wanna me to climb up ? can u teach mi how to reach e level of ur's that u can gave up everything just by those words ? on that particular day u told me every single little thing about what happen and told me that u would never push me down again . and u would never go to that fucking well again . every single word u said just can't seem to be erasable from my mind . and thing just happen soo quickly that ii myself really can't accept e fact within such a short period of time . u had left me again with a deep deep wounded scar and e pain ish x100 then before . ii thought that would be e last time but history still repeat itself ): how eu wanna me to digest all this pain and those hurting words eu said to me ? all those hurtful words issit from e bottem of ur heart ? how ii wish ii have special ability , so that ii would know wth u r thinking . hais . how long this torture gonna be again ? m blinded by all e pain and all e empty hope that would never ever come true again . would that day arrive again ? trying my utter best to climb up step by step , but e step is getting stiffer n stiffer !
how ii wish u rr by my side just like before but all this seem to be so far away )

` eu are someone that is nt easy being replaced by anybody . it would take me alot of courage to put down this burden . my heart ish sinking down down down to e bottem . e last msg ii send to u , it might seem to be stupid but eu should know what am saying .  kit thung mak mak . 

da ben dan <3 MY SY TC CY LY <3

<3 ii miss how you pamper me , how you hug me ,
how you pat my head , how you ali with me 
, how you sayang me .
how you motivate me .
how you hold my hand . how you kiss me .
how you make me smile with ur msg . 

how you love me and many many more <3 

` fate bought ask back again . on e 14th june we went to eat supper at jalan kayu (: ii nv thought that this day would come . ii was trying my utter best to forget about him but no matter how hard ii try it still could not . on that particular day he told me everything that happen after we broke off . but some of e stuff ii alr know . yeaps . when ii heard le ii was like speechless , those mths was hard for me to pass through . using all ways to numb myself .

but all well end well we are back tgt (: <3

` after tagging . e life style for me now is totally different . hais . never drop also sian , drop le also sian . WTF man . hais . confused MAX ): work . eat . drink drank drunk . it's my life now .

what else can ii do ? SHAG MAX

` now aday bb also busy with his stuff , really appreciated that day he spend sometime with me , but after that day thing start to change again . it's remind me back of e past . it such a phobia . ii really scare e ending would be e same as before again . what should ii do ? can somebody pls tell me . he pull me back from e well . and right now ii scare he would push me down again . if this happen , ii really dunno what should ii do . ii think ii will go crazy ):

` hmm . my birthday is coming soon . another 27 day . counting down . but really dunno how to celebrate ):

 hmm . would he still be here to celebrate with me ?

` BB LUBBF .

kit thung mak mak <3

ii would never forget wat u promise me on th 14th june !

ii hope u would honour what u say .

 pls dunch break my heart again .

ii lubf eu bb lubf <3

` yeaps . backie to blog again . it's been sometime ! haas . life isn't as good as before ):

` on e 4th june 10 ii drop my tagging and gain back my freedom . it was like finally . all this hardship ii have gone through was indeed a hard want yahs ! haiis . continuous for 6 days ii played until crazy . until ii see liquor and beer it make me feel so yucky ! hmm . fri went for midnight movie follow by drink . sat went to find baby with vonne and went to drink at pub and .... after that follow by V4 . sun went to Upub and NANA with lynn . tian and vonne and follow by a very big dramatic show . mon went to le bar with herng bro and e others . tue went to ice to find baby after that go V4 . wed ii forget go wher le . thur fri was HOME SWEET HOME . 

` sunday night was actually a great night but ended up someone spoil the whole day . after nana we went to eat at G7 after eating someone almost kana whack but everyone stop . after that im e one hu can't tahan anymore , when she shouted at me that was e point ii go but ii take back my hand in e end she scratch until my neck and pul my hair . after that ii went crazy ii really feel like whacking her but cos of our frenship . in e end my sis come down ii stop again after that gt one guy came dunno say wat bla bla bla ... in e end went off . so after that when he know ii kana hit . he came down . so ii stop again cos if she get hurt all of will sure get caught . so ii had a max fight with him on e street and hit until e fren car after that ii whole person break down . and she say she see me like that she very heartpain . and she send me msg dunno say what will be there for me and bla bla bla and apologise to me . so everything start from here ii got so many injury cos of her but ii dun blame her . but after a few day her pattern come back again . ownself de sis de bf also wanna hong . wth ? cos of ... ? where is her shame man ? in e end right now she mia . money is not a issue for me . this time round my lesson was a big one .

` e money she owe or borrow from me is not an issue but today ii finally realise alot of thing . using a $500 to settle everything was e most shit thing but at least this money can give me peace . and e money can be earn back easily . worst to worst not enough money to use get a night job and tahan for awhile nor . family also problematic -_-" e best way is to move out ii guess .

` sometime ii really feel very stupid . when ii treat pple good pple treat me as shit . but when ii need help only a few one stay by my side . haiis . ii really dunno what e hell is going on . when ii keep quiet doesn't mean m nothing . but well alot pple warn me about her but ii just can't believe all this ): when ii first knew her she wasn't like this . but well using a few hundred dollar to see one true person colour was a good one indeed ! hais , ther's goes my wallet and bag and saving . struggling hard now aday . ii am strong wanna right ? LOLS .

` it was like WOW .

finally we talked , it's been so long . did not expect . yeaps . <3

` hmm . ii guess ii have to be strong to pass this obstacles . how ii wish ther's someone hu's there to pamper me and listen to my sorrow and be there for me wheneva ii need him . it had been quite sometime . where is my mr right ? iimisseu da ben dan <3

kit thung mak mak <3

` wow . it was like ages since ii last blog . finally am backie due to am free and nothing better to do . lols >,<

` throughout this one month plus , life was so sucky . dunno where excatly am heading to and am totally in a blank . well hope ASAP ii can get back to the right track that ii wanna head to (: it's gonna be difficult but there's a saying " xin ku hou tian " ii believe my effort will pay off in the future .

` life is soo sucky and boring . eat sleep work , this are the only thing that am doing right now ! when then can ii have my freedom back ? stop killing me . ii need some time to enjoy and relax myself ! please end it soon . ii pray ii hope ii wish ):

` whenever am upset ur image will pop out . and ii will think back on the past that we shared but ... all this would only be remained as the past and in my dream . how ii wish and hope that those days did not end , all this ish only my wistful thinking . sighs >,< how ii wish you are by my side whenever ii need you )': lubbf lubbf <3

` ii might be brave infront of everybody but deep down inside am soo weak ! every little thing ish making me insane . the only thing  that is occupying my thought is work work and only work . right now ii just wish that the stupid rolex would end on june . the only thing am looking forward ish my birthday 29th July !!! looking forward to it and am gonna save save save .

` wow wow . it's been ages since ii last blog . finally ii got the time to blog again ! nothing muchie happen during this period of time . work , smoke , home , eat , sleep ! haas . all this are my daily routine . what more can ii expect ? hopefully by june my stupid rolex will drop (: that will be the time to party and work 2 jobs at the same time . actually am at a lost of what ii wanna . sighs . walk one step see one step would be the best solution ii guess .

` sometime ii really wonder what are true friend ? indeed ii have some good frens . but some left some stay and some are distance apart ! they most sickening thing ish to quarrel with ur bestie is the most dismoralise thingy in the world . but when eu think on the positive side quarrel might make ur friendship bonds more stronger ii guess . well there's no right or wrong ! times will prove everything ii guess (:

` as times goes by ii really misshs the tym when we were tgt . but ii guess things would never ever be the same anymore . sighs . ii guess we will only be stranger ! everythings it's separating us apart . we will never be the same anymore . how ii wish ): but sighhs . . .

the sky ish dark . the star are shining brightly ! eu're the only one that appeared in my thought . stacking e pillow high up and think through the wonderful days we bth share . without ur pressence my life ish colourless ! ii shall cyaa in my lala land tonight and ii shall had e sweetest dream of all night tonights ! iimisseu da bendan ♥

` soo happy that my laogong ish finally out . yeaps . she came to find me today . though we never talk much but we will catch up asap . haas . her laughter never fail to brighten up my day . iilubbfeu <3 am still waiting for ke ai , penguin , darling , emily jie , doreen , kakak and sharon !

am right here waiting for all of you (: